6 types of friends you need as an adult
Friends are the postcards life mails on the address of your heart. Soaking their sunshine, rejoicing over their colors and calling them your own forever is a true joy. And still, finding the right ones is a pursuit of a lifetime.
I reflected over the kind of friends adulthood demands.
Those who want more of your life for you, not for themselves
It is empowering to have friends who love that you get to travel or get free goodies or have a million followers or received a pay hike or found the love of your life, but never make you feel that they deserved that spot in life but instead you got it. They cheer without fear or greed. They are genuinely happy for your progress and don't measure it with the inch tape of their own growth.
Those who don’t use you as a means to an end but see you for who you are
Zadie Smith said it beautifully, “I think the hardest thing for anyone is accepting that other people are real as you are. That’s it. Not using them as tools, not using them as examples or things to make yourself feel better or things to get over or under. Just accepting that they are absolutely as real as you are." Adulthood demands a friendship that doesn’t define you with it's expectations.
Those who don’t trump your feelings just because their emotions are more intense or apparent
Feelings of grief, loss, anxiety that rise after losing a job, passing away of a loved one or even for no clear reason happen to all of us. And we all take our time to navigate through them. Surrounding yourself with people who don’t outshine your pain with the one they had or are having, is imperative. People who hold space without the desperate urge to say, “Let me tell you how I handled this so much better.”
Those with whom you can share silence without feeling uncomfortable
You can tell a lot about someone, if you can sit in their presence without feeling pressured to fill the silence with words. People who allow you to wander within, in their company, must be treasured. To be lost in your thoughts and yet not be alone while doing so, is a joy every adult must be gifted. An added bonus are the ones who can understand the silence.
Those who don’t feel like a full time job
The lives we live are demanding, it’s near impossible to call every single person you care for, almost every other day. That doesn’t mean your concern for them doesn’t hold meaning or is transitory. It’s liberating to be with people who allow you to invent your own ways of ‘keeping in touch’. Friends who would love to see you in person, have your arms around or their laughter in your ears, but they understand that isn’t possible now. So they tell you: Go live your life and I love your no matter what.
Those who act as your safety net while encouraging you to fly
When self doubt to do something unfamiliar slides in, one needs friends who will push you to go for it, without giving up. And they remind you alongside, that even if you fail they would stand by you to try again or to find another path. Just because you fail, doesn't make your a failure. People who don’t make you feel guilty about your privilege but guide you about ways to use it. We all need friends who become our earth to return to when circling the sky withers us out.